I want to say I took a deep breath. I want to say that I was mindful and aware of myself in the moment and able to take pause and draw away from my frustrations. I want to say that found myself a large glass of cold water or that I brewed myself a calming chamomile tea. I want to say that I didn’t give in. That I didn’t cave to my thoughts, my cravings or the negative role of self-talk that plays on a loop at a frequency just quiet enough that I can drown it out easily if I choose to or just loud enough for it to be all I hear. I want to say I did all of those things. I want to say I chose to drown out the negative stuff. I can’t though. I wasn’t mindful, I fully yelled, I drank three cups of coffee and then found Christmas chocolate to cram into my mouth while I seethed about all the things that sucked in that moment. That, friends is what I chose to do. Of course I compiled a laundry list of justifications, but the reality is that they all come up short. I have work to do. Me work, yucky hard self-confrontation kind of work. Like how to be more patient and more kind. . .to myself. Like how to forgive the slip ups to ensure I don’t stay in them for the ride down. The reality is parenting is hard. It’s really freaking hard when you haven’t slept in 4 years. I keep reading these articles on how to be a more efficient person. ‘wake up an hour before the rest of your household’ and then I think this is obviously not an article written for a woman with mini humans in her house! For me to wake up an hour before my house hold I would have to rise at 2am. The other suggestion is obviously to get things done after everyone has gone to bed. These are both great suggestions and of course would work but. . .I’ve been up since 4am after a broken night’s sleep. The kids are in bed? I’m going to do a whole lot of nothing! (tidy kitchen, get lunches ready, have a shower, try and have a coherent conversation with my husband etc. ) In THIS moment of mindfulness I see that I am still caught up in the comparison game, the measuring game. I’m not______ as much as so and so. I don’t ___________ they way so and so does. She is always so great at ___________ and all I do is pffft (that’s the sound for exasperated nothing). You know what friends? It’s all garbage. I know it, you know it, we’ve all seen at least 5 actual published blog posts cycled through facebook detailing the subject today. So why do we do it? My theory is that we are all looking for validation. We really shouldn’t compare ourselves with anyone else because no one else is you. I saw these beautiful images this morning of individual snowflakes. Truly exquisite. It immediately made me thing of you and I. How each one of us was created with such love and true uniqueness, that there is truly no way to compare. But on the day to day when the storm comes we just see a clump of snow, not the uniqueness or beauty in each descended flake. Aren’t we just the same? Life in it’s hustle and bustle and waves of exhaustion and emotions being pushed to the limit all we see is a mash, a pile of everything just dumped onto us. I am not going to lie and say that I am not going to let that happen again. Because I am painfully human and I will undoubtedly follow my negative thoughts down the rabbit hole again at some point. I am however going to say that I am going to start to search for the snowflakes. In all our sameness and all our differences how often are we pausing to appreciate the uniqueness of those around us or least of all ourselves! Life with little people is exhausting and oh my is it ever messy! But it’s a gift, a really challenging sometimes overwhelming gift. So friends, here on this Thursday with not a fleck of white on the ground, I want you to embrace your inner ‘flake’ and appreciate the beautiful uniqueness that makes you YOU. It’s ok for life to get a messy sometimes. Be encouraged!
About The Optimistic Mama
Hello! My name is Amy. I am a writer, wife to a good man I call best friend and mama of three loud and busy little people under the age of 5. I am here in the hopes of being a source of encouragement, a motivator and place of reprieve. We live in a world full of loud and busy. My hope for you is to find a place of quiet and rest. There is a deep need for encouragement in this world and my sincerest hope is to provide that to my readers! If you are someone who might just need a minute to sit with their coffee and enjoy an encouraging snippet. . .you are in the right place. I am happy to to have you join me!View all posts by The Optimistic Mama